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HOW TO FORGIVE AND IT’S BENEFITS
As the adage goes ‘To err is human but to forgive, divine’ Alexander Pope
This explains an aspect of the concept of the relationship between humanity and Divinity. As a human, our knowledge is limited compared to that of our Creator. This is why we have the tendency to err and also the privilege to be forgiven.
Errors, faults, mistakes, sin, crime are only characteristics of humanity, there is none found in God. Forgiveness is not just about how God forgives us but also about how we forgive ourselves and others.
Eph 4;31-32 matt 6;14-15 matt 5 23, james 5;16 col 3;12-13 matt 6;12
Humans are not wired the same way, not even identical twins have the same psychological and emotional build-up. Our tolerance, endurance, temperament, attitude, character, choice, devotion differs much more than our faces differ.
JER 17; 9; “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
So in striving to survive in our habitat, we will step on each other. There is a great need to prepare for this intrusion and distortion of our personal space.
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We all make mistakes whether we choose to accept it or not and these mistakes cost someone their joy or comfort if not human, God. This is why Forgiveness is essential phenomena and must be adopted by all.
THE TRAUMA OF HURT AND PAIN
Pain is an affliction, torture, a burden, and we feel this when someone hurt our feelings or physique. Whether physical or emotional it has a lasting effect on our soul that sometimes we hold on to it for decades or sometimes a lifetime.
It could be so deceptive that even as the time goes by we harbour a revenge plan and most times unconsciously carry it out on our offender. Whereas other times it could be so overwhelming that immediate response is given as a reaction to the pain we just experienced. Now let’s look at these two classes;
This is as a result of physical contact, majorly violence or abuse. It is dangerous, can lead to injury, damage or sudden death. This kind of hurt is best avoided than engaged but we are faced with such confrontations if not always or often but once in our lifetime. Criminals and hoodlums are known to inflict this kind of pain in order to obtain forcefully from victims. Your best bet is to let go of your belongings to save your life.
This is the most common and dangerous because it can lead to a physical type of trauma. Every battle begins with a conflict of interest. The mind is the powerhouse that keeps a record of actions and inactions, statements, comments, rebuke, insults, criticism, appraisal, commendation and so on. It is also programmed to give counter-reactions to every action per time.
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One of the dangers of this trauma is that unlike the physical, your offender might be unaware of his actions. For instance, it could just be a careless statement from an opposition, colleague or even a friend, and you have digested it to be an insult to your personality and integrity. You are pained1!
Even after the reason for such statement has been long forgotten you might never let go of that statement for a lifetime if something is not done about it.
When it breeds, it is called offence and you bear the burden. Other times for an error or mistake we made in the past that is hunting our today and if not dealt with will affect our tomorrow. We also hurt ourselves by ourselves.
This of a surety happens to everyone on the surface of the earth so long as you relate with other humans in any place you find yourself. This kind is deceptive because it might not react immediately, but gets worse over time if not handled. There is no gain in this, only a heavy heart and head full of irrational thoughts that sometimes lead to depression, hatred, bitterness, grudge, malice, anger, cruelty and so on.
This is the mother of all kinds of pain, and the reason for if not all conflicts, quarrels, disagreements, and so on. But, there is no problem without a solution. Let us look at ways to deal with the results of this trauma because we can’t control the way we will be treated by everyone we come across.
First, you need to know your IN-vironment (temperament) see classification Wikipedia
The above chart will help in knowing more about your class of temperament, either sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, or melancholic. thus, you will be able to know how to best manage it
Secondly, after defining what class you belong, there is a need to understand your environment. What are the classes of people you live, work or school with? What are their temperaments?
The study above will help you understand more, this will not only save you from them but vice versa. You will know to respond and also how to approach them. This is a two-way study, not only do people offend us we do so likewise in various manners.
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The painful thing is we are mostly hurt by people close to us and that is the reality of life. It is an agenda of the devil to create distrust and hate among humans because the greatest commandment speaks about love. Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and Love your neighbour as yourself.
So hatred, envy, jealousy seem to be prevailing thus, there would be no love because love is trust. So we must understand our neighbour as we understand ourselves.
Thirdly, look at the problem at hand. It could be a disagreement, argument, disappointment, failure, broken trust, lie, and what have you. Critically analyze the problem before taking actions. Avoid making decisions in anger or grieve.
Eccl 4;26“Better is a handful with quietness than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit.”
If the matter is considered urgent take time off to cool down and its best to be silent initially. Don’t speak in haste. At this stage, you must have understudied your IN-vironment and Environment. Someone will always get on your nerves one way or another.
Before you want to speak, remember Col 4; 6, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
Finally, Guilt, hurt, is a burden borne by its victims. A life of anger, bitterness, and resentment is not a pleasant one to live. It’s a life of misery full of regrets hatred and depression. Therefore choose to be happy by letting go, by forgiving yourself and or others.
Forgiveness is freedom from physical and psychological stress. It leads to a more exciting and fulfilling life. It increases your self-worth and guards your happiness and satisfaction. What we don’t readily accept is that letting go is to our benefit, not necessarily the offender. The burden of this pain is mostly felt by the victims alone. At times, the offender has no idea of how much trauma you experience. So save yourself the stress and let go.
Revenge is never the reward of an offence. Christ gave a brief description of the only criteria to revenge evil. But that, of course, it is to the neighbour and not to the devil. Forgiveness doesn’t imply you have to put up with an unruly person or accept their constant blows. Or forgetting the disappointment in the past and repeating the same mistake.
It means giving to yourself the gift of happiness and moving ON!!
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